Far Too Long
by E. Limberg
Summary: Stella gets engaged and won't tell Mac. He finds out and is upset. Why? He loves her too. Now she must chose between him and her soon to be husband. Song fic with Nickelback's Far Away.
1. An Engagement

**Far Too Long**

**Chapter 1: An Engagement**

"_This time, this place_

_Misused, mistakes_

_Too long, too late_

_Who was I to make you wait_

_Just one chance_

_Just one breath_

_Just in case there's just one left_

'_Cause you know, you know, you know"_

Stella walks to Mac's office in a cheery mood, excited to tell Mac the news. Or better, see how long it takes him to notice and show him just how unobservant he really is away from crime.

"Good morning, Mac," she says brightly.

"I thought you hated morning," he replies, smiling to himself.

"I do."

"Then why are you so…" he thinks, "joyful right now. We haven't even gotten started on a case."

"It's just an exciting day. I can't help that you don't feel the same. Maybe a dead body and time out of the office will cheer you up," she smiles, grabbing a folder from his desk. When he doesn't say anything, she assumes he didn't notice yet.

"Believe it or not, I did go home last night."

"But did you sleep?"

"Yes, very well, actually. It looks like you did too. Take Hawkes with you and get started on that case."

'_This is going to be harder than I thought,'_ Stella thinks as she leaves. "Hey, Sheldon."

"Morning, Stella."

"We've got a case. Some guy found in Central Park. Meet you at the car," she begins to leave when he grabs her hand.

"What's this? When did this happen?"

"Last night."

"Does Mac know?"

"No, he hasn't noticed yet. And don't tell him, Hawkes," Stella threatens.

"He'll find out. Why don't you want him to know?" Hawkes asks.

"I do, but I'm not telling him. He'll find out when he finally discovers the ring for himself."

"What's his name? How long have you been going out?"

"Vince and almost ten months. Mac has met him a few times because he's come to pick me up from work."

"Tell him, Stel. I'm sure he'll be happy for you. Do you have a date or have you decided yet?" he gives her a small hug.

"Sometime in May, but we don't know what weekend."

"Have you given up on Mac then?" he asks, hoping she won't go out on him.

"What are you talking about?" she looks up at him curiously.

"You and Mac. I always thought you felt something for him. Maybe I was wrong."

"No. It's been five years, and he hasn't really moved on. I can't wreck our friendship by asking, and I don't think he feels the same. I still love him, but I've realized it wouldn't work between us," she explains.

"What if he does feel the same and won't tell for the same reasons?"

"We'll never know what would have happened. Come on, we have a case to solve."

Mac knew something was up when he looked up from his computer and saw Stella and Hawkes hugging. _'When had those two gotten so close?' _He and Stella were best friends, and they hardly ever hugged. Sure, sometimes he wanted to to cheer her up or comfort her, but he never did. Yes, he wanted his team to be close because they worked better that way. But for some reason, Mac felt the need to protect her, not that Sheldon would ever hurt her. Mac decides to ask her about it later.

**A/N: The song used throughout the whole story in Nickelback's Far Away. Hope you enjoy it.**


	2. A Discovery

**Chapter 2: A Discovery**

"_That I love you_

_I have loved you all along_

_And I miss you_

_Been far away for far too long_

_I keep dreaming you'll be with me_

_And you'll never go_

_Stop breathing_

_If I don't see you anymore"_

"Here, Mac, we finished," Stella says, coming up behind him with the folder for their case as he analyzes the trace from his scene. They hadn't seen each other since that morning so Mac hadn't gotten a chance to ask her about her and Hawkes yet.

"Good work," he says, smiling at her.

She pulls on her lab coat, "I'll help you."

"You don't have to."

"With both of us, it will get done faster. Then we can get home earlier," she reasons.

"Okay. But if you have plans, go ahead," he tells her.

"No, my boyfriend doesn't get off until late tonight, so until then, I'm free."

Mac puts it together in his head, "Hawkes gets off the same time you do."

"What?" Stella looks up, confused.

"Aren't you and Hawkes… dating?"

"No! Why would you think that?"

"I saw you hug him earlier after you left my office. I thought maybe you were… because… you never let anyone touch you," Mac explains weakly, realizing he was really off. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she assures, and they both go back to work.

Stella runs fingerprints for him. "I've got a match." He comes around next to her, and she points to the name on the screen.

Mac takes her hand in his. Slowly he pulls off her glove, uncovering the ring. "When were you going to tell me, Stel?"

"I wanted to, but I kind of was trying to prove a point to you," she says.

"What point?"

"Yes, you're good at gathering evidence at a crime scene, but away from that, you don't notice anything."

"How long ago, Stella?" he studies the ring, wishing it was him who had given it to her.

"Last night."

"What's his name, and what does he do for a living?"

"Vince is a firefighter," Stella says.

"You met him on a case, I assume," she nods. "How long ago?"

"Almost ten months. Wedding will probably be in May."

"I think I've met him before," Mac says, thinking.

"Yes, I've gotten so wrapped up in a case I don't notice the time. He's come to get me a couple times," she tells him.

"Nice guy from what I've seen of him," he says.

She smiles, "You'd say that even if you thought he was a complete idiot or if he hit me."

"I care about you more than that, Stel. He wouldn't get away with it. So I guess I'm going to be the one they send into your room to convince you to marry him on your wedding day," Mac assumes.

"Probably," she chuckles.

"I guess we're done here. See you tomorrow then," he says, leading her to the door. "Congratulations."

"Thanks, Mac."

"Just promise me something. Don't change after the wedding. Even if he wants you to, I could never get used it."

Stella turns and hugs him. "I won't."

This is how it should be, but it would, or could, never be so. Both knew that in the moment of peace, quietly sharing what never can happen, even if it's what they both want.

**A/N: Mac and Peyton broke up (Yes!) but Stella and Hawkes are apparently dating. I guess they'll just have to wait a little longer. I better go read some DL fics. I signed up for the CSI Santa thing, which totally meant to tell you guys about, and I the person I'm writing for wants a DL story. Good luck to me. Thanks for reading and I love your reviews.**


	3. A Changed Friend

**Chapter 3: A Changed Friend**

"_On my knees, I'll ask_

_Last chance for one last dance_

'_Cause with you, I'd withstand_

_All of hell to hold your hand_

_I'd give it all_

_I'd give for us_

_Give anything, but I won't give up_

'_Cause you know_

_You know, you know"_

Over the next three months Mac starts to distance himself from Stella and the rest of the world. He would assign her different cases than the ones he did, even on high profile cases when they especially needed her to help close them. At the lab, he'd hardly talk to her. Eventually she gets mad and confronts him about it.

"Is there something wrong, Mac?" Stella walks into his office as he packs to leave for the evening.

"No, why would you think that?"

"You've been acting weird lately. We never work together and hardly speak. You're ignoring me."

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

"You're going back into your shell you hid yourself in after Claire died. It was hard enough the first time, and I don't want to go through it again," Stella says gently.

"I'm fine, Stella. Just let me be," he says, heading to the door. She follows, silently giving up on him. It was a futile cause. "Good night, Stella," Mac enters the elevator.

As she heads to the locker room to gather her belongings, she glances at her watch. "Damn it. I'm late again."

"There you are," Vince calls from behind.

She turns around, "I'm so sorry. I lost track of time again."

"How could you stand me up?" he teases. She ignores the comment. "Why're you so grumpy tonight?"

She stops spinning the dial on her locker and turns around to look at him. "What?"

"Why do you seem so upset today? Did someone get away?"

"No. I'm fine. A little tired," Stella opens her locker and grabs her coat and purse.

"Maybe I shouldn't stay tonight then. You need to get some rest. Can't be chasing criminals half asleep or you'll get hurt," Vince says, smiling faintly.

"You can't fight fires either. How come you're not tired?"

"I have two days off before I have to go in to work again. Sleep while you're working," he explains, leading her to the elevator.

"I've got enough sick days left; maybe I should take tomorrow off. He probably wouldn't even notice that I wasn't there," Stella rolls her eyes, frustrated with her boss.

"Are you trying to impress someone at work that I should know about?" They exit the elevator.

"No, my boss is just being a jerk."

"Mac?"

"Yes. We were really close, best friends even, for a while, ten years at least. I helped him when his wife past away, he helped me get over Frankie. I can't really explain it, but we could always tell what the other was thinking just by looking at the other's eyes. Then when he found out I was engaged, he's distancing himself from me and the world like he did after Claire died. He's ignoring me and won't tell me why. I don't understand him anymore. I've got you, but I'll still always need him to be there. It can't be explained," she sighs.

Slowly as a couple more months pass, they grow further and further apart.

**A/N: Yesterday I found out my dance teacher knew Melina. She had a picture from like thiry years ago of them together with three or four other girls. They had danced together. She said she's still jealous of Melina's beauty. Must make my mom go out and get the magazine with her and Gary on the cover. Already read the article on the internet though. I finally came up with an idea for my CSI Santa story but I have yet to start writing it. Only twenty-one more days to do that. Thanks.**


	4. A Forbidden Love

**Chapter 4: A Forbidden Love**

"_That I love you_

_I have loved you all along_

_And I miss you_

_Been far away for far too long_

_I keep dreaming you'll be with me_

_And you'll never go_

_Stop breathing_

_If I don't see you anymore"_

"Stella," Mac approaches her from behind as she changes in front of her locker. "Don't do this to me. I have something I need to tell you," he tells her when she ignores him.

Stella turns around, acknowledging him. "What?"

"I've been acting this way towards you and probably everyone else because… I'm afraid, Stel. I can't lose your friendship."

"By ignoring me and such you've already lost me, Mac," she shakes her head.

"I'm afraid that you'll leave me after the wedding. I need you so much. And I've been acting this way so when you do leave, I'll be prepared, and it won't hurt as much," he explains.

"Mac, I'm not going to leave you. We can still be friends if that's what you want."

"Yes. I'd like to be your friend again, Stella. But the truth is, I lied to you that night I said nothing was wrong with me," Mac confesses.

"Mac, no one is perfect. Of course there's got to be something wrong with you," she jokes lightly.

"I should have told you then. Maybe we wouldn't be this far apart. It's been far too long. I should have told you years ago," he says quietly.

"Told me what?" she asks curiously.

"I can't help it, Stella; I love you. I've loved you for a while, since you helped me after her death. And now I'm too late. You're already taken, soon to be married in three months. And even if you weren't engaged, why would you want to be with me? I'm seven years older than you, almost the exact opposite. You deserve better than me. How could anyone ever love me? I should just kill myself now and escape this life," he rambles on miserably.

"Don't, Mac," Stella grabs his wrist. "What's not to love about you? I… I do love you, Mac. But I'm engaged. I love Vince too; I can't just break his heart."

"Seriously? You really love me?" he asks. She smiles, nodding. "I understand your situation. Right now you've got a great man to spend your life with, and I shouldn't ruin it. All I want is for you to be happy. Don't break your engagement just because of me," Mac assures.

"You had to tell me this now of all times? I've waited for you since we met, and now you finally love me, but I can't be with you. I'm not sure I can marry Vince anymore, despite the fact that I love him too," she hugs him tightly to her.

"I just want you to be happy, Stella. I know you love me and that if you weren't already engaged you'd be with me. I can live with that, but I want more. Just don't leave me, no matter what happens," he whispers into her hair.

"I could never leave you, Mac. No matter what happens I'll always love you," Stella kisses his lips, savoring the taste of him. Pulling away from his embrace, she silently curses God for putting her in this situation; she couldn't choose between the two men.

"I love you too. And really, I don't care what you do, how this turns out, as long as you're happy. I'd do anything just to see that smile of yours," Mac vows. Her hearts melts and a tear escapes her eye, which he carefully wipes away. "Your fiancé is waiting for you."

**A/N: I got the magazine. Melina looks so beautiful. And it also said somewhere, nothing to do with NY, Veronica Mars only has like seven shows left or something and it'll be canceled. What will I watch on Tuesdays? Or maybe I'll just spend that extra hour working on my fics. mj0621said Peyton's supposed to come back. No, she can't, unless it's just as the medical examiner. Mac and Stella just have to tell each other their feelings. Oh, and in the article it said Stella would start exploring relationships again. Something else about her getting all worried when she touches contaminated blood, I'm not sure; I didn't really get that part. Update Thursday.**


	5. A Torn Heart

**Chapter 5: A Torn Heart**

"_So far away_

_Been far away for far too long_

_So far away_

_Been far away for far too long_

_But you know, you know, you know"_

Back and forth her heart went, unsure of who to pick.

"Vince, can you just drop me off tonight and not stay? I'd like to be alone for a while to think about something," Stella asks.

"Sure. Is that what's been bothering you? You're awful jittery today," he asks.

"My boss told me something today, and I'm not sure what to do."

"Mind sharing?"

"It kind of involves you so you have a right to know. My best friend and boss told me he loves me," she begins.

"But you're already engaged, so what's it got to do with me?"

"I know I am. I've loved him since we met though, but because we're going to be married, I can't be with him."

"You want to break our engagement then?"

"No, see that's the problem. I love you too. He said he doesn't care what I do as long as I'm happy."

"I don't care what you pick either. If you love him more, don't pretend for my sake," he looks sternly at her.

"Good night," she gives him a kiss before leaving.

"See you tomorrow for dinner."

Stella walks quietly up to her apartment, almost crying. The man she truly loves had finally told her how he feels about her. Any other time she'd have said yes, but how was she supposed to be with him when she was already engaged?

"Hawkes, what are you doing?" she calls him on her phone. "Can you meet me somewhere? I need to talk."

"Guy problems."

"See you in fifteen minutes."

Looking through her address book on her phone, she finds Lindsay's number. "Hey, Lindsay. I'm meeting Hawkes soon. I'm having a few guy problems, and it might be useful to have a female opinion."

"Thanks. See you when you get there."

**CSI: NY **

"Mac… he told me he loves me… today in the locker room. I love him too, but I'm engaged. He can't just do this to me. Now I don't know what to do," she explains, first nervous, then angry, and finally confused. "He said he doesn't care what I do as long as I'm happy. Then when I told the story to Vince, he said the same thing. What do I do? What _can_ I do?"

"Mac's going to have to face the fact that he's too late. You're already taken. Marry Vince in… three months, I guess it would be. Oh, and by the way, Stella… I love you too."

"Sheldon Hawkes, you're not funny, and it's not helping her. You can't tell her to marry some random guy from nowhere when she and Mac were made for each other. You're such an idiot!" Lindsay rolls her eyes.

"Are they really?"

"I love him so much, but I can't just leave Vince. That's not right. What am I going to do? It seems the only way out of this is to kill myself."

"Yeah, then Mac and Vince will have it out over whose fault it is for your suicide," Hawkes says.

"They'll fight anyway. One of them will be jealous of the other who she chooses to be with."

"Why don't they just fight right now? The winner will be the one I choose. It's pretty evenly matched," Stella suggests.

"No," both say in unison.

"For now I'm just going to do what Sheldon first said. If I think of something else, I'll see what you think. One of you needs to take this," she hands her gun to them.

"Stella, there's other ways of suicide."

"I can undo the rope and stop choking myself, stop suffocating myself, and control the bleeding if I slit my wrist. With a gun, there's one shot to the head, and once you fire, you can't help yourself."

**A/N: The evil weight hurt me in gym today. Then I couldn't find the stupid band-aids in the nurse's office thing. And I got out of shcool early today because of the snow. Must snow more so I don't have to go to school tomorrow. Actually, we were going to get out earlier except the little kids in elementary might not be able to get inside or have anyone to watch them. I fell asleep with watching NY last night; missed Lindsay put on Mac's tie on him, darn. If Peyton comes back and she and Mac start dating again (God, I hope they don't), then maybe Stella will find out, or she could already know and is just not saying anything, and tell him how she feels. Then we got the same situation as in the story but roles are reversed. My friend and I were discussing CSI: NY the other day at lunch, specifically Mac and Stella, and she said that everytime one of them is not dating, the other is. Supposedly Mac and Peyton dated all last year though. They can't tell the other how they feel while they've already got a date, and therefore they never get together. I haven't told her yet about the fanfic, but there's lots of times I want to tell her. Maybe I should. Anyway, I'll post Saturday hopefully.**


	6. A Bad Call

**Chapter 6: A Bad Call**

"_I wanted_

_I wanted you to stay_

'_Cause I needed_

_I need to hear you say_

_That I love you_

_I have loved you all along_

_And I forgive you_

_For being away for far too long_

_So keep breathing_

'_Cause I'm not leaving you any more"_

After almost three months in agony, mind switching between her two loves, Stella had decided to go ahead and marry Vince. A few long talks with Mac also helped to come up with this conclusion. With one week to go, everything was going as planned. Mac could tell Stella was getting nervous.

"What're you shaking for?" he asks, watching her as they sit at a red light on the way to a scene. "Nervous already?"

"I can't help but think I'm making a mistake. I've been told a couple times that we were made for each other. By marrying Vince I'm just… leaving you."

"How many times do I have to give you 'the talk'?"

"Shut up, Mac. Why'd I have to come with you?"

"Just so I can remind you again you're not making a wrong decision." They arrived at the scene.

"I'll photograph," Stella volunteers. About five minutes later her phone rings. "Bonasera."

Mac looks curiously at her from next to the body.

"Yes. Oh my God. No, he couldn't have. Yes, thanks," she hangs up and turns away from him, trying to recompose herself enough to continue picture taking. By her behavior, he immediately knows something is up. Standing, Mac walks quietly to her side.

"What happened?" he almost whispers, leading her to believe he is still by the body. When she doesn't reply, he puts a hand gently on her shoulder.

Stella jumps at the contact. Immediately he sees she is crying, tears falling off her cheeks. As Mac hugs her, she whispers, "He's dead."

"Who's dead?" he asks, rubbing her back. "Oh no, not Vince, is it?" She nods her head as best she can, it buried in his neck. "I'm so sorry, Stel."

"He's gone. He was trying to save someone in a burning building, and it just collapsed on him. They need me to ID the body, but I can't do it."

"Do you have a picture of him? I can give it to Sid," he offers.

"That doesn't seem right. All these parents and friends can come to identify the bodies we find, yet I can't even look at my fiancé laying there. I… need to say goodbye to him," she says, knowing she was doing the right thing.

"Let me come with you."

"Okay, but just try to give me some space."

"Whatever you need, Stella."

**CSI: NY **

"How could you do this to me, Vince? I finally made up my mind," she stands in front of him in the morgue, still crying. After standing for a few minutes, she leaves with no more words said.

Mac follows her, "Stella." She stops but doesn't face him. "Stay with me tonight. You shouldn't be alone. Come on, I'll take you home."

"Don't leave me; I'm not sure what I'd do to myself," she whispers.

"I hate to ask you this now, Stella, but I need to know the answer. Do you think there's a chance of us becoming… a couple?"

"Mac, I want there to be. There's no word to describe how I feel about you."

"I love you. Those words don't seem to mean as much as they used to. Now I don't know how to express what I feel for you."

**A/N: I really meant to post this yesterday, but I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean all day and knitting my dance teacher a scarf, which I only have a week to do. And I have to write the rest of my CSI Santa story, which is actually due next Monday. The stories come out Christmas eve. I'm only like half-way done plus I have to type it. Good thing I have a lot of tests this week so I won't have a lot of homework. The only thing I don't have one in is English, unless you count our weekly stem quiz. Yeah, guess that's it. The stories almost done; one more chapter to go. Thanks.**


	7. A New Love

**Chapter 7: A New Love**

"_Believe it_

_Hold on to me, never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

'_Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_

_Believe it_

_Hold on to me, never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

_Hold on to me, never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

_Hold on to me, never let me go"_

Stella wakes up in the middle of the night, apparently having cried herself to sleep some hours early on top of Mac. As she sits up, the tears come back to her. A hand wraps around her arm, pulling her back onto the bed. "It's two o'clock in the morning, Stel. Go back to sleep."

"I can't."

"Just stay here, Stella."

"Mac, I have to use the bathroom," she whispers.

"Oh, go then." While she's gone, he goes to the kitchen to make her some hot chocolate.

"You don't have to do this for me," Stella comes out in a pair of pajama pants instead of dress pants without her suit jacket or sweater.

"But I want to," he says quietly, turning around to watch her.

"Where are your spare blankets, Mac? Without three shirts on, it's kind of cold."

"There should be one on the couch over there and more in a closet somewhere if you need them. I can't hunt them down for you," he offers.

"One should be enough," she goes to grab it and wraps it around herself.

"Here," he hands her the mug. Mac wraps his arms around her while she takes a sip. "You really don't know -"

"Do you have any marshmallows, Mac?" she interrupts.

"Sorry, no," he shakes his head.

"What were you saying?"

"You really don't know how beautiful you are, do you, Stel?" he whispers in her ear causing her to choke on the hot chocolate.

"What?"

"I don't know why you don't hear that as much as you should. You, Stella, are the most beautiful woman I've ever met."

"What about Claire?" she asks.

"You know I can't decide between the two of you."

"It doesn't matter to me, Mac. You love us both and always will," Stella kisses his cheek.

He grabs her hand, fingering the spot where her engagement ring should be. "You already took it off," he looks at her curiously.

"If we're going to… be together, I can't dwell in the past."

"So you want to? Now?" Mac asks.

"Yes, if you do."

He looks at her like she's mad. "I thought you'd need a little more time to grieve."

"Come on, Mac, we've already slept together," she teases.

"You little…" Mac threatens. "Please tell me that's not how you made it through college."

"No, I didn't. All the other girls from the orphanage did, but… I hardly ever even had a boyfriend, not that I'd need one to sleep my way through school. Almost any guy probably would have…" she stops.

"I've heard enough, Stel. Don't need the details," he leads her back to the bedroom.

"Mac, do you want to have kids?" she asks, slipping under the covers.

"I think I'm a little too old for that, Stella. I'm sorry if I just ruined your dreams," he smirks.

"No, you're not. Besides, there's other ways if we wanted to have our own kids. Or we could always adopt one of the poor little orphans living in the city," she grins.

"I'm not sure I want to be there when you give birth."

"Oh, you're going to pay for that. We're going to have at least one kid of our own, and you're going to be there, Taylor, or I'll… make you get up every time he gets up in the middle of the night after I break every one of your fingers for putting me through that," Stella threatens.

"What makes you think it'll be a boy?" he asks innocently.

"Because boys are always annoying, especially you, Mac."

"What'd I ever do to you?"

"Okay, you're more difficult than annoying. But I'm sure you get the picture," she cuddles up to him.

"Oh, and girls aren't. 'Let's go to the mall. Which shirt looks better: this one or this one'?" he imitates.

Stella laughs, "I'm not like that."

"Yes, you are. Maybe not quite that bad. And never ask me advice on what you should wear. I like anything you have on or when you have nothing on."

"Mac, you're starting to scare me. It's a little too soon for me to be stripping for you."

"Okay, I think it's time to go back to sleep," he lays down after turning off the lamp next to him.

"I love you," Stella moves closer to him, resting her head on his chest.

"I love you too. I can't believe I waited this long to tell you my feelings for you," Mac kisses her forehead.

"I waited far too long to follow my heart. There's only one person I could ever be happy with: you."

**A/N: This is it, sadly. Another story will be started soon, probably this weekend. I was so proud of myself. I got my scarf done for my dance teacher, and I only have like another two pages or so I want to write for my CSI Santa thing. I think it's okay for my first D/L story. I might post it here but not until after the beginning of the year. I agree with that pairing, but I don't really have any interest in writing or reading it. I have a new favorite class: Western Civ. My teacher gets so off topic, like today we were talking about the Renaissance and she was telling us about having to pay for her son's college and her daughters' attitudes. Somehow she always manages to fit in a story that is so pointless and off topic, yet she can find some way to start talking about it, which leads her to other random stories, and we never get anything done. The only bad part is she gives us our homework at the beginning of the period. I had/have a problem: Bones and Criminal Minds are on at the same time, except the one at nine is a rerun, but I haven't seen any of them. My friend tapes all these shows, so she told me to watch Criminal Minds, which I haven't found interesting lately, and she'd let me borrow her tape of Bones. Yeah, so I just rambled on forever. Thanks for reading. Send me your final thoughts.**


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